


I Can't Do This Anymore

by heylittleangel



Series: Supernatural Bingos [13]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Break Up, Established Castiel/Dean Winchester, Hurt No Comfort, M/M, Married Castiel/Dean Winchester, mentions of cheating
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-12
Updated: 2020-01-12
Packaged: 2021-02-27 04:07:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,699
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22230805
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heylittleangel/pseuds/heylittleangel
Summary: Castiel and Dean have been fighting for quite some time and they can't seem to stop.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Series: Supernatural Bingos [13]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1459561
Comments: 12
Kudos: 41
Collections: Writers of Destiel Writer's Choice Bingo





	I Can't Do This Anymore

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, peeps, how are you? I know I rarely write angst without a happy ending but this one basically wrote itself. It hurt to write but I still enjoyed it. The square was "Perhaps we're better off without each other" and it's for the Writers of Destiel Bingo. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy it anyway! :)

When Castiel opened the door of the house, he could already feel the tension and anger in the air, lingering heavily around him, almost suffocating, and he knew nothing good was going to come out of it; he had gotten so used to that mood inside the house in the past few months that he could predict everything that was going to happen as if it had happened yesterday—which did, just as it had the day before that, and the day before that, and the day before that, and… you get the gist. He sighed heavily as he dropped his keys on the bowl by the door and let his beg fall with a loud thud against the floor. There weren’t any sounds inside the house, which was worse; Castiel was waiting for the angry expression and the screaming and the accusations, not the silence that he was met with. It got on his nerves and left him more anxious and nervous.

He took his trenchcoat off with a sigh, putting it on the coathanger, and kicked his shoes off. He walked slowly to the inside of the house, wondering if Dean was home or not; Castiel didn’t recall Dean saying if he was going to be late or not, but that wasn’t a surprise. It wasn’t like they had seen each other enough to let the other know about their hours, anyway. Castiel almost sighed in relief, glad that he wouldn’t have to deal with a fight today, but Dean showed up at the door of the kitchen, drying his hands on a dishcloth and with a disapproving expression on his face.

“Long hours at work, today?” His voice was hard and he shot daggers with his eyes.

Castiel tried to keep his voice soft and unarmed, “Yes, Zachariah asked me to stay a while longer to solve a few problems and I didn’t realize how much time had passed.”

Dean hummed skeptic, throwing the cloth away. “Were any of those problems inside his pants by any chance?”

Castiel sighed and rolled his eyes, shoulders slumping. “I already told you, Dean, there’s nothing between Zachariah and I nor could ever be.”

“The over hours you stay there don’t say the same.”

Laughing humourlessly, Castiel stared at Dean with fire in his eyes. “ _Me_? What about _your_ long hours at work? You leave two hours before you get in and you’re hardly ever home at the time you usually come back. Are there any problems inside somebody’s pants there for you to help with? I know it’s not really hard to get you to fuck someone.”

“Oh, so now _I’m_ the one cheating? I’m the only one that actually does something at this place! There’s always fresh food in the fridge, your so important suits are always clean and folded in your closet. But I guess the little gnomes are doing all of that while I’m fuckin’ someone at work, huh? I’m busting my ass to keep this house liveable and you accuse me of cheating you?”

“You’re doing the exact same thing, Dean! You know that I’m working, that I’m always the one that always needs to be in that horrible place to clean everybody’s messes because they can’t do their goddamn jobs,” Castiel’s voice lost all of its calm. “I’ve always had this routine and you knew that when you agreed to marry me, you knew it! I’ve never hidden it from you.”

Dean scoffed, walking past Castiel to the living room, knocking their shoulders together. “Oh, I am so sorry, mister bigshot. Boo-hoo, poor Castiel has to work some more while his husband fucks others during work hours. What a _miserable_ life you have, huh? Maybe you should find someone else to marry if I’m so bad.”

“Yeah, maybe I should!”

Dean’s expression turned to hurt for one second before it inflated with more anger and he started yelling, “Then go on! Go find someone else to fuck and someone else to take care of you while you do jack to show some appreciation for them…” Dean kept talking but Castiel didn’t hear it anymore; he didn’t have to because it would be the same as always.

Instead, he focused on hos his eyes burned with tears, his lips trembled, and his throat closed up and Castiel could barely keep himself breathing. He couldn’t do this anymore, listen to the same arguments he had listened for the last few months; it was too much and he couldn’t. The anger inside him deflated and Castiel felt defeated. He could fall to the floor right now and pass out just from the pain inside of him. Castiel walked past Dean to the couch, shaking his head with his eyes closed, barely noticing as Dean’s voice died down.

“I can’t do this anymore, Dean, I just… I can’t. I don’t know when all of this started to happen or how, but this isn’t what I want for us.” That seemed to get Dean off guard, the poisonous words dying in his lips. Castiel let himself sink into the couch with his head between his hands. “We were best friends, Dean, and you’re the love of my life. This isn’t what I wanted or how I thought it would end; all we do is fight and scream and throw accusations at each other for who knows how many weeks now. We barely see each other anymore, we don’t even share the same bedroom. I stay until late at work that I hate just so I won’t fight with you and I know you do the same.” A few tears welled up in Castiel’s eyes and he hastily cleaned them away with a sniffle. “We can’t see each other or share the same space alone for one minute without picking a fight about nothing at all. I don’t even remember what our fights were all about and, still, they’ve been separating us; pushing his farther and farther away from each other. At some point, we decided to just go with it instead of talking and solving it together as we’ve always done.”

Dean sunk into the other couch with his head low and Castiel could hear him sniffling as well. The silence hung heavily around them, neither wanting to break it. Castiel’s heart was in pieces inside of him and he wanted nothing more than to just let himself break down and cry, scream at the injustice in the world that destroyed his and Dean’s marriage; or at himself and Dean for letting it happen. More tears came to his eyes, pouring down his cheeks and dripping onto the carpet floor. He couldn’t remember the last time he and Dean had cuddled on it with a blanket around them, enjoying the warmth of the fireplace and each other, talking about their day or sleeping or watching a movie. They had so many great memories on that carpet; where Dean’s nephew had given his first steps in a big Thanksgiving family dinner, earning himself screams of joy and dozens of pictures; or when Castiel had finally proposed to Dean and the great sex they had after that, spending hours staring at each other’s eyes, smiling, and fingers running on the silver band in Dean’s finger; the game nights they used to host with their friends every Friday night until the sun started to come up in the horizon. Now, Castiel could only remember the times they would break something on top of it in a fight and could only see the tears that would lead to their relationship ending.

He didn’t even look at Dean as he stood up and walked to the stairs. He didn’t need to look to know that Dean’s eyes followed him until he disappeared on the second floor and Castiel made his way to his room. He grabbed the first bag he saw and started filling it with clothes, not bothering to check which ones they were. He squeezed as many as he could in there, throwing his charger inside and a toothbrush. Closing it, Castiel made his way back to the stairs, doing his best not to look at Dean as he made his way to the door. He grabbed his coat and put it on as Dean’s footsteps came closer to him, voice defeated.

“Where are you going?”

Castiel stopped mid-movement, letting his eyes fall closed. “I meant what I said, Dean: I can’t do this anymore. I don’t _want_ to do this anymore. Perhaps we’re better off without each other. We only exhaust ourselves with these fights and I don’t want to do it anymore. This isn’t what I wanted for us, Dean. I’m going to Meg’s or Charlie’s, I don’t know, but I can’t stay here anymore. I can’t keep destroying our relationship piece by piece every single day. I love you too much to do it, Dean.”

He finished putting his coat and grabbed his bag, hand on the doorknob when Dean’s voice and hand stopped him. He turned to him, the tears in Dean’s eyes shining in the light.

“Cas, _please_ ,” Dean’s voice broke as he begged Castiel, hand tightening around Castiel’s arm. “Stay. We can figure this out, I promise, please.”

Castiel shook his head as he looked into Dean’s eyes, raising one hand and placing it on Dean’s cheek, the tears finally falling from Dean’s eyes. Castiel smiled sadly at him before pulling Dean closer and placing a soft kiss on Dean’s lips. He rested their foreheads together, staring into Dean’s eyes as his thumb cleaned Dean’s tears. “I’m sorry, Dean, but I can’t do this. I can’t take all of this pain anymore, on me and on you. I’m tired of hurting you; I love you too much to do that.” He let his hand fall to his side as Dean’s eyes fell closed and Dean’s knees gave up. He hit the floor with a muffled thud, head down and shoulders slumped.

He swallowed his own tears and turned back to the door, opening it and walking out. The last thing he heard before finally closing the door was Dean’s soft and broken _I love you too_.

**Author's Note:**

> So, did you like it? Leave a comment and a kudo and make writer very happy!
> 
> As always, you can find me on [ tumblr](https://gii-heylittleangel.tumblr.com/)


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